I went on a date tonight. As he spoke freely (read: a lot) he said that I'm very easy to talk to and that he felt at ease with me, which is something I've heard often. He assured me at the beginning that he would soon encourage me to talk (theoretically by asking me a question about myself, I think). That didn't really happen, but after 2.25 hours I am now knowledgeable about his entire dating life from the 90s to today. All the hits.

I offered a hug, even though I don't particularly enjoy them in general (with many exceptions for those who weasel their way into my heart), in part because I'm trying to step outside of my comfort zone, and in part because the polyamory community is very small so I try to be friendly and open and build bridges rather than burn them. It was a simple hug, without defense or expectation, but for some reason I became very aware of my hands and that they were being weird in some kind of half-clasped, half-flat-palmed nonsense and I couldn't figure out what to do with them. I tried to adjust and I ended up sort of pulling him back in for a second squeeze. It was a 5 second hug, but I had SO MANY thoughts about my fucking hands and I couldn't stop thinking about them and only them.

Re: Everything
Why am I like this?

12:42 a.m. - 2022-07-15