We signed up with a new company and have recently launched a brand new website. We're talking major renovations. The problem is, the new company is evidently still working out some glitches in their own organization. Another problem is, the company's co-founder and client liaison is evidently attention deficit. Every time I send him an email I'm greeted with a response that has nothing to do with my inquiry (and I mean NOTHING to do with it) because he can't be bothered to more than skim the content. That in itself is not so bad. All I really ask of anyone is that if a mistake is made, actions are taken to remedy it and it can be said that once effective communication is established he takes care of it or gives to someone who can take care of it. It sure does take a lot to establish that connection, though, and he's more than willing to blame the glitches on the client - which just so happens to be me at the moment. I should have tested it more, I don't know proper webpage etiquette, I just don't understand full scope and utility of their product. The truth is, I tested the hell out of the email and the system still sent it out wrong, I practically invented webpage etiquette and if I'm your customer you better give me what I want, and while the last point may be true, I do know enough to know when it's making my page look like the garbage monster's spawning den.

In other news that still isn't really news, our office manager is continuing to show incompetence in epic proportions and said incompetence still results in me looking bad because she is a master at making excuses. Miraculously it has turned out to be my fault that she didn't run her reports weren't when they were six months late, two months ago. They're eight months late now and it's still my fault.

I realize that blame easily falls on the shoulders of those who will shoulder it. And I will, because I'm just that kind of person and because I can take a lot of crap. Not silently, but I'll still take it. I mean, obviously it's working for me on some level or I wouldn't let it happen anymore. But I'm trying to work on it.

I'm giving an honest attempt at this affirmation-type hokey bullshit - examining my behaviors and trying to turn it around into, "Until today, I have [insert unwanted behavior here], but from now on I will [insert preferred behavior here]." I don't know if it's working. I really hope it's true that you don't necessarily have to believe in something for it to be true, or I just might be screwed on this one (note the "hokey bullshit" reference above).

I do want to be a better person, and I am amazingly a better person when given the opportunity to be so. For the moment, it doesn't help that I've gotten myself so entangled in fucked up situations that I let prevent me from being who and what I want to be. From now on, I will make decisions that will allow me to be free of those situations and consciously work towards becoming the kind of person I want to be.

For now, though, I'm just going to finish up my work and spend some time cooling in Regina while Matt works, then take off to Marquette for a while to cool some more - a place I used to dread visiting because it was much too quiet for a city girl like me. Now I can't wait to get there and someday call it my home.